Friday, July 06, 2012

[ x ]

its been a while..  i took up driving lessons with the private instructor recently.. it was alright.. then on the 3rd lesson.. for some reason i kinda fucked up real bad.. like doing the wrongs things..hence earning me a good scolding for the first 45 mins.. with lines quoted by that instructor "why you keep doing wrongly?.. why you never listen to me? "

lol i replied with.. uh.. [actually my brain is like stoned literally.. i just have no idea why i didnt perform] " uh i scared motor bike bang me lol" ..wrong answer.. -_-' he went ballistic and ask me to move the car to a side then said things like *in chinese * " wah you cannot like that la.. you really cannot make it ar.. i draw give you see.. if bike want bang us let them bang..im trying to save you okay..  you just listen to what i say..  i must also make it clear to you.. okay! i am top 3 instructor ... you should be *he did this praying action* saying WAH THANK YOU Mr NG! you very good.. you the best.. ..
then i just nodded.. then he say you have to stop changing my things and do as i told.. in here, what i say is rule is order.. there is no room for arguments.. you dont come and waste money  ..
so i said.. i am not fighting with you.. i know i did the wrong things..im.. just a bit blur and confused..

then he said okay la i say so much .. you ALSO SAY SO MUCH.. you win la.. you confuse la..

honestly by this time i had a great deal to shout back at him and say LOOK I KNOW I SUCK.. BUT IM FUCKING STILL LEARNING CAN YOU CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND LET ME LEARN AND RESPECT ME MORE.. STOP ACTING LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER DICTATOR........ plus a reason why i took private was to save money and also cut down on the lessons [which brings more focus to saving money]
but well.. i just figured shutting up would be better.. and so i did

then sadly. the rest of the lesson im still in the stone mode.. = me cocking up like mad...  nearly mounted a curb [hence nearly getting into an accident] .. needless to say the instruct went fucking nuts mad and seriously gave the stare and like keep scolding me with lines of " I GOT ASK YOU TO TURN ANOT? WHY YOU DO THE C/C.. WHY YOU NEVER do what i say.. WE NEARLY kena accident you know a not?! huh.. you think fun is it? you ar.. you really cannot make it.. why your friend.. that uh kang ling [kaili btw] learn so fast you like that one? keep doing wrong things then i ask you do this you give me that .. YOU KNOW every one i teach at least 99% never give me problems.. you ..YOU so much problem.. [he took out this book of his] you are the only one.. wait no got another one.. but only you and him ar cannot make it ar.. [he mark this 3 red cross thing on my info page no idea what that abt] you see your 3rd lesson worse than your 1st lesson.. "

i just and can only keep saying " sorry.."

then like that i think last 30 mins i finally get back my touch and so did almost everything properly..
then when the lessons ended.. i really feel like puking up and smacking my head against something ..
then he say " actually can learn new things.. but you cock up so bad.. waste your money loh.. [then he did teach me some theory based things] and said liike that you not wasting money la hor.. "

then i just say " i know i am in THE WRONG [stop fucking saying it.. and at least rmb i AM A FUCKING 'STUDENT' IF NOT I WONT BE HERE ASSHOLE...] sorry "

then he give this fucking cb face of being happy that i said im wrong " okay la you say what is what la.. you dont come fight with me again.. you know you wrong and you are sorry.. i take that loh."

knn so suay i finish lesson then start raining again.. so i walk to the bus stop ..lol well thank god it was raining [and the bus stop has no one] so.. it was a rare occasion of me walking and crying.. fuck best la my life.. i really do know its my fault.. but i just hated that he treating me like as if im just some rich fuck coming here with my money and acting like a spoiled brat.. and that i should friggin worship him ...

i dont know... kinda messed up real bad inside now.. for once.. i had the urge to do something to myself.. crazy shit no?

went home.. couldnt take it.. so i napped.. and in my dream.. i complain to my family and they were with me.. scolding him for being mean.. and just telling me to continue slowly.. dont need rush i could do it...
woke up laughing to myself.. what a bullshit dream.... at first i didnt wanna tell anyone.. i dont need more ppl telling me im useless

so evening .. i eventually told my mum and my big sis.. and well talk talk talk then i cry lol.. [so noob me]
.. well what i wished for and what i expected to get was two different things.. and volia i got what i expected.. a scolding

" why you always like that.. do things half way then a bit of things cry.. driving only you also like that .. dont like dont drive la"

well my only consolation was my big sis was kinda nice with that mocking tone ._.
" okay la.. dont cry la.. a bit only.. dont like then learn from him loh.. learn from sch one la.. [then she turn to my mum] you also la.. ppl come home sad you still scold her .."

then my mum went even more crazy " what scold her.. she already 18 19 [20 actually] still cry over lil things.. "

lol then i just gave up and went to bath.. [and it turned out to be one of the longest bath i ever toook]
kinda sat on the toilet seat thinking.. woah.. im really useless ..lol

lucky i borrow a set of comic from my mind..lol happy ending comic.. quite interesting so hmm..

well i figured..  cancer ppl are really emotional no?.. but then.. all we.. maybe i .. ever need was ...
nevermind-

.its.so.colourful.and.beautiful.at.8:07 PM