Sunday, January 30, 2011

[ x ]

im not as strong as i thought i was.
im not as weak as i thought i was.
im not as sad as i thought i was.
im not as happy as i thought i was.
im not as furious as i thought i was.
im not as lonely as i thought i was.
im not as loved as i thought i was.
im not as good as i thought i was.
im not as evil as i thought i was.
im not as warm as i thought i was.
im not as cold as i thought i was.

if im not nothing like what i thought i was.
then..what am i
i think im at the road which leads to many paths..so many im lost.
im not sure what i am looking for.
what i have in my hands
what i have to protect
what is protecting me
what i have to do
what can i do..
what cant i do.

i know nothing..
all these means nothing you see.
i dont know what's on my mind.
if i have one
its just words and feelings come out
which doesnt really make sense

if only my life was simpler like i want it to be.
i dont know what to trouble myself over
i dont know what's troubling me
i dont know whats irritating me
i dont know what's making me happy.

i really..just wanna know what's going on with me
i have a happy life
a nice family
nice cousins
nice friends i would not think twice to help out
an average body not that bad nonetheless
an average not that bad as well
an average loud voice

what am i not happy about.
i.just.dont.understand.anything.anymore

i envy people
people envy me.

times and times again.i dream of myself disappearing.
to a world of darkness, to a world of light
to a world ield filled with soft grasses, nice flowers, wonderful wind

and there i am...just lying there...with a pet or two

some times i think of being a good person..really.
like helping other people...doing the right things..
some times i just wanna kill people.
burn things..do things i never done before

then i stop to think..whats wrong with me
i know how to differentiate whats right and whats wrong
why am i having weird thoughts all the time.

somedays im really happy..
somedays im really irritate
somedays im really sad
somedays..im really..numb


maybe..
just maybe one day.
i can really spread these tainted wings of mine and fly

.its.so.colourful.and.beautiful.at.10:37 PM